Today I met a boy on the other side of the big fence, his name is Shmuel and he has the same birthday as me!
I was so excited when he told me this. I've never met anyone with the same birthday as me! He seems very sad although I don't know why, he wears the same clothes every day and smells like he hasn't showered in months. He looks as if he only eats a piece if bread each day, I have to remember to bring him some food.
On another note, Shmuel claimed we are in Poland, although I believe we're still in Germany. But it doesn't matter, now that I have a friend at Out-With things are going to be a lot more fun. I can't wait to meet him again tomorrow!
Peer Response #1:
ReplyDeleteHey Sev,
You have selected a right person to do your journal based on, as this is the main character of the story, and the novel's main perspective. You have done a pretty good job of explaining the character's feelings exactly.
Next Steps:
You made a little typo on the second paragraph -clothes, not, close. Just had to point that out. Next time try to describe the situation more, i.e, instead of, I can't wait to see him; You can say I am anxious to see Shmuel for I haven't seen him in a while, and he is the only fun thing about Out-with.
(Not the best example, but you get the point)
Sorry just had to point this out, Adam you have to remember he's a nine-year old and he probably wouldn't write that in a journal. Bruno seems kind of...confused...or lost in the story so I think Severin wrote the journal based on that.
ReplyDeleteSeverin, I think you did a pretty good job on your journal entries. i personally liked Gretel's journal response better but i decided I'd responded to this one. There is a nice flow to your journal entry and your ideas organized very well. I especially liked how you wrote your journal entries from two COMPLETELY different perspective. You did a great job writing this journal entry from Bruno's perspective.
ReplyDeleteAll though your journal entry was very good, it had some flaws too. For example, it was a little short and you seemed to have wrote a summary of a journal entry rather a whole journal entry. as i said your ideas were great but i believe you could've expanded on those ideas.
Overall, I believe you did a great job on both journal entries. Good luck on the rest of your blog.
Hi Severin, William here.
ReplyDeleteYour blog was written well, but could've been a bit longer, and used more detail. You made a good effort, and the character you chose was a very suitable choice, since Bruno is the main character in the story. I thought you made it sound very enthusiastic, which is good because Bruno is a young boy.
In conclusion, the theme and style of writing was good, but more attention to detail and content would have been better.
- William
Yes, as some of your peers have said, more time and thought spent in examining and expressing the feelings, thoughts, and situation that Bruno finds himself in is needed. What you have written is fine but expansion of ideas is needed.
ReplyDelete